Reflections II

October 20,2012

The reflection this week comes from yours truly. For what it is  are worth: The video that inspired it looks to be Malaysian made. The quote I reference is one that I hold near and dear to my heart; I discovered Clarence Jordan's writing through Habitat for Humanity projects (the founder of Habitat spent time at Jordan's Koinonia Farm in Georgia) and appreciate his earthy wisdom.

LIVE BOLDLY.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JUFjTOM32g&feature=related

The opposite of faith is not doubt. Rather, the opposite of faith is fear. As farmer/scholar Clarence Jordan<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clarence_Jordan> puts it,  “Faith and fear, like light and darkness, are incompatible. Fear is the polio of the soul which prevents our walking by faith.” I stumbled upon Jordan, his book<http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1597521442?ie=UTF8&tag=httpwwwgoodco-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1597521442&SubscriptionId=1MGPYB6YW3HWK55XCGG2>, and this quote a decade ago and they have been with me ever since. When I face big life choices and feel a sense of paralyzing indecision setting in, they remind me to put my next foot forward, to live boldly and to let that which I believe in break the bonds of fear.

What fears hold you captive? In what do you have faith that can set you free?

-peter

http://sunshinefaith.com/live-boldly/

--
Rev. Peter Harrits
YAGM Malaysia Coordinator CountryELCA Global Mission

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I have so many fears that make it a struggle to move forward.  I have been thinking a lot about our site visit and what you said about how I feel so uncomfortable walking by myself anywhere.  At first I was really offended by your response, "What assumptions are you making about the people around you that you feel uncomfortable--in specific referring to men cat calling."  But- I have been mulling it over, trying to figure out why it makes me uncomfortable and why your response felt so negative to me.  Then I realized that it's just a part of some baggage that I carry with me from my past.  In high school I was followed home twice from work.  There has never been a more terrifying feeling then getting ready for bed and having your dog outside barking defensively, then looking out the window from the bathroom to see a man's face less than a foot from yours, only separated by a glass window.  I am from a small town so people are always looking out for you, but this increased after this incident. For awhile even the police officers would drive by more frequently when they see my car parked at my home.   I guess that here these things are obviously not so, and so any sense of security is missing. 

This fear allows me to stay in the comfort of my home here, knowing that I will be safe.  As much as I would love to go explore, I guess I realize now that I do like the comfort and security of having someone with me. 
But, when I was in Tenom, Rebecca and I talked about this fear bit a lot too.  I told her that I honestly was debating leaving early (and not attending the youth activity that I was invited to join) just so I could make it home on the coach bus and not have to take a taxi by myself.  I've never taken a taxi along and I was weary of giving directions and being understood, as well as sharing a taxi with other individuals.  Turns out- I shared the backseat of the taxi with a high school English teacher.  This moment gave me a sense of relief and hope that I can really do things on my own and be okay.  But I know that this mindset will easily fade as I continue.  I guess this is where I struggle and need help.  I need to learn how to motivate myself and learn to trust God in these situations. 

Blessings,

Ashley