Wedding Fever

It seems that everytime I check my emails or Facebook someone new is engaged or married!  This brought about my curiosity to what a marriage is like here in Malaysia!  So, I sat down with one of my housemates, Hailley, who is the same age as me, and we talked about weddings for the indeginous Murut people, her people.  After many translation attempts via cell phones and google translate, I think I have a glimpse at how it goes-- hopefully I will be able to witness a tradtional Murut wedding during my time here!  I hope you enjoy this little cultural exploration!

Orang Murut:

---Weddings---

Arranged and self-chosen

Traditionally age 12 can marry--But Malaysian Law says no one below age 18 can marry.

Engagement--the boy's family goes to the girl's house to discuss the potential proposal--if both parties are in agreement and want to be married, the girl's family discusses what they want from the boy's family for the wedding.  

If a son marries--the family must give thing/gift/money to the bride/her family.

Parents-- for daughter's wedding--give list of requests to the groom's family: Maybe money, television or traditional clothes/jewelry.  (These is seen as a replacement of sorts for the girl's absence from the house/family responsibilities)

If you are the younger sister in the family and marry before your older sister--you must give something to her (maybe jewlery-necklace or money RM 500)

If a brother is getting married--the sister must help by giving a wedding gift from the entire family.

The girl's family is responsible for reception food and drink (tapai--rice or tapioca wine)

Murut Wedding attire: traditional clothes with traditional beading.  Clothes are made by family members.  After the wedding, all of the wedding clothes must be given to the girl's family.  When asked why, I was told it's a tradition.  

When married--the couple usually lives with the boy's family.  

After married--the girl's family must help her new parents-in-law with 'everything' (maybe wedding reception and afterwards daily living--paddy farming/harvesting)

On a more personal note-- I live with mostly Murut people.  I have heard a lot of frustration from people hear about the tradition of Murut weddings.  Hailley, a teacher, recently had two brothers get married--both are younger than her.  One was engaged and married within two weeks--the reception has not happened yet.  Because Hailley is a sister and she is working--her older sister is still studying so she is excluded from this responsibility-- she is responsible for helping to prepare the wedding gift from her family of RM 1000, times this by two--one for each brother.  Luckily, she is able to slowly give money here and there until she has met the specified amount.  

One complaint that I have heard is that people are not worried about having a job/work before getting married because they can rely on their family for support--people keep record of who they helped so that in the future if they need help, they know where to look for it--.

In modern weddings it is common for the couple getting married to change outfits multiple times.  I went to one wedding and saw four different beautiful outfits--including traditional attire.  Before the wedding processional there were other people in traditional outfits dancing to traditional music--it was so cool! I wish I would have remembered my camera.