Christmas Wishes

Dear Family and Friends,

As Christmas is just around the corner I want to wish you a blessed Christmas with your family and friends wherever you may be.

Last week I was asked a question that really made me ponder how we celebrate Christmas:

 " Knowing the meaning of Christmas- How SHOULD we celebrate?"

He then posed these questions:

1. Should we have an open house and invite people from the community?
2. Should we provide food?
3. Should we just celebrate with family?
4. Should we share the gospel?

This was oddly a question that has never crossed my mind.  Perhaps it's because it is my first time away from the United States during the Christmas season--but I began to wonder--why all the presents?  What does that have to do with celebrating the birth of Jesus?

Another idea was posed to me was that some Christian's refuse to have a Christmas tree because they feel that it takes away from the real purpose of Christmas.


--Just some food for thought--  

My family has a tradition of going together to cut down our Christmas tree, so to me it is something that brings our family closer--As for the gifts--everyday is a gift given to us to be celebrated.

No matter how you celebrate or who you celebrate with.  May the peace and grace of God be with you this Christmas as we remember that God gave his only son so that we may have eternal life.  Look to the stories that Jesus teaches us so that you may lead a life that will glorify God.  

And remember--you are blessed to be a blessing.

The Unexpected- Dec. 7-9

It may seem strange but a normal lunch can turn into an unexpected adventure at a moments notice.  Last Friday, the 7th of December, i sat down for a lunch of lemon chicken rice and iced milo with my friend.  The next thing i know, she is on the phone with the head of the sabah Girl's brigade.  it turns out that the Girls brigade was to have a camp, and we needed to travel to the capital (kota kinabalu) that same evening (mind you it was already 2 pm).  The bus journey out of this small valley and down the mountain takes a winding 2 1/2 hours minimum.  Essentially it was too last minute for us to make it that evening, we were not prepared, and we had Christmas caroling that evening in several villages.  

The conversation that followed was this: "Ashley, Girl's brigade has camp, you want to follow?" "uhh...."  "Okay, we will leave early in the morning"    "um....uh...ok?"

so, this became our plan:

1. purchase bus tickets for the earliest morning bus
2. finish running errands so that we could pack for camp
3.purchase snacks for carolers.

We met at 7:00 pm at the church to go Christmas caroling, and we out and about until 12:00.  Our bus was to leave at 7:00 am the next morning, so we were to be at the bus station by 6:30.  The last member from our group arrived at the station at 6:55.

** I need to put in a disclaimer here that I really had no idea what was going on or what any of this was all about. **

When we arrived to Kota Kinabalu, the head of the Girl's brigade picked us up and we headed out of the city into the middle of no where.  Here I thought that this camp was in Kota Kinabalu, but it turns out it was quite a ways away nestled in the jungle near a river.  We arrive and our group of four are put into pairs and put into different  cabins- each pair with a different squad.  Here I am told that I am a squad captain with one other girl.  Mind you that I am completely new to this organization and don't even know a thing about this camp.  We put our bags down and head to the "lobby" (which is really just a standard shelter) . Here they tell us to get excited because this is Adventure Camp.

Dec. 7

On the agenda for the day was a  challenge  course that included a 10 ft. wall, a rope you must use to swing across a large pit of muddy water, a spider web of ropes you must climb up and over, some balance beams (one of wood and another of rope), one large wooden flag-like pole you must get a tire over the top of, and a few more challenges.  Each challenge must be completed by all members or it will count as failed.  

Also- because it's adventure camp, all challenges are part of a competition; not just the challenge course, but also the jungle trekking and water rafting.  Each team was to be judged on the completion of the tasks, the creativity and collectivity of the group, and overall teamwork and enthusiasm.    

(If you don't know me in a competitive setting, you may not know that I try to avoid all competitive settings.  I am not a competitive person and they make me sincerely uncomfortable.) But- like most things here..I just do what is asked.

So begins the story of how I sprained my ankle:

During the challenge course activities I was asked to be the last person to go over the 10 ft. wall.  With that, I acted as a base person for most of this challenge and had many people standing on my shoulders.  Again at the flag-like pole challenge I was also the base.  At one point during this challenge I had two girls at one time standing on my shoulder (I guess that's what I get for being tall in Asia). The last challenge that really did my ankle in was the muddy water pit.  This was one of the last challenges and my arms were weak and tired (not to mention my upper body strength is limited anyways). I was almost all the way across when my body gave way and I plummeted into the muddy water, here I felt a sharp pain in my foot.  Because this is adventure camp, and it was a competition, they made us all try again if we failed the first time, so I jumped back up on the platform and tried again, just to relive the same fate.  Lucky I am graceful at failure and I just laughed with a huge smile on my face as I sat up and wiped the murky water off my face.  I learned right then and there (since I was the 2nd or 3rd person to go) that if I failed and let it consume me, it wouldn't give hope or humor to the people after me who may have the same fate.  So- what else is there to do but fail big and try again.

The ankle swelling started on that first day, but I just walked it off and hoped it was just sore from all of the weight it carried and activities it semi-accomplished.

The evening ended with dinner, crafts, and traditional games.  We learned some traditional dance that you do with bamboo-- it's very beautiful and comes from the Kadazan Dusun culture. (I hope maybe to post a video here in the future)

Dec. 8

We woke up, ate breakfast, rode a horse for 2 minutes each, and then were sent off into the jungle for some jungle trekking for the day.  They gave us a compass (which none of us really knew how to use) and sent us on our way with a local guide--who I don't think was supposed to lead us, but more so follow us and make sure we didn't get too lost--BUT--he was our lifeline :)

We were sweaty and tired and it felt like we just kept climbing UP.  But- eventually we found our way to our destination where we were supposed to learn survival cooking- and boy did we ever!

When we arrived to a house by a river, they had for us a box of ingredients, dishes, cooking tins, and cups.  We set to work right away building a fire, cutting up vegetables, and cleaning chicken.  Then we had an unexpected visitor!

RAIN

I stood over our once roaring fire with a large leaf acting as the fire's umbrella, knowing that if the fire went out, we would have nothing to cook our food, and therefore having noting to eat.  I inhaled so much smoke I thought I would die, but the tears just rolled down my face from all of the smoke instead.  Here is where language became a huge barrier.  My Chinese co-leader was only giving directions in Chinese (note: almost all Chinese here can speak Chinese, Maleyu, and English). So I had to explain that when you give directions in only one language, only the people who speak that language can help you (Not all of our team is Chinese or understands Chinese).  One small girl with an umbrella stood, not knowing what to do, covering the rice, until I told her the rice wouldn't matter if the fire went out.  So, we huddled together to protect our fire, but forgot to protect and wood from the rain, so we were really out of luck later when the rain had stopped and we were still in need to a fire to cook rice and other food.  Never the less, other teams were also able to keep their fires going, and one team let us use their fire so that we could cook our rice.

Next came rafting.  We were the first team to go, so I feel it's only natural that we had the most struggles.  For awhile we even got sucked into a whirlpool like area on the river.  I was the only one who had any kind of on the water with a paddles experience, but only the girl next to me listened to my advice.  I tried my hardest to help but in the end just had to let them figure it out.  It was so difficult to know what to do, but to not have anyone listen.    

When we arrived back to camp we all took much needed showers and prepared for Fun Night- skits and songs we prepared to share.

Dec. 9

Breakfast, crafts,  worship, and lunch  concluded our camp.  My team got 3rd place and were given an award of KFC coleslaw and water.  After all teams received their awards were were given the option of sharing our food with other teams, as some just had water.  So we shared and well all got a full meal.

The Girl's Brigade leader brought us to eat satay and then sent us to our bus for the 3 hour journey back to Keningau. 

And here ends my unexpected adventure.  

Camp Motivation- October 30-31, 2012

Reflection:

Camp Motivation was held at Crocker Range, a wildlife park near Keningau.  The camp was for Class Glory (year 6) and Class Imanuel (ages 12-18).  The purpose was to motivate students for their future.  Because these students are undocumented, they have three choices.  First, they can choose to continue schooling at a non-government school.  Second, they can start working--some at just age 12.  Or lastly, they can return to their home country, Indonesia or the Philippines. 

I was so grateful to be there with them.  It was so nice to see them outside of school.  When we first arrived I was overwhelmed by the sudden shift from teacher to what seemed more like a counselor.  We all stayed in one large cabin, girls in one room that housed bunk beds for 16, boys in another.  We arrived and the students immediately started shifting furniture to make more room, cutting vegetables for dinner, cleaning fish and meat for meals, sweeping the floors and lining up shoes.  Every time I tried to help with something, "Let me, Teacher" was the response.  

After cleaning and prepping food, we broke into four teams for games and activities for the duration of the camp. Each team had 8 people, with one teacher in charge.  My team was one person short, so I was asked to participate in all the activities with my group.  Little did I know I was in for a lot of fun!  We played some really good games, did some group building and some drawing.  What stuck out most were two things: 

First, in the evening we blind-folded all of the students and took them outside.  All the students in my group held on to a rope, while I directed them by pulling on the rope.  We walked up and down hills, had to cross over some open drains, and crawl through some wooded areas.  Due to my limited language abilities, I also had an extra person with me to help in case of confusion.  Somehow the most panicky student was in the front and had a firm grip on my hand.  But-- I know that if I was in her shoes, I would have done the same.  Essentially, the point was the develop trust in each other, and trust in personal abilities.  Even though life gets scary, know that you can make it through.  Some students were taken from their group and led to an area to be by themselves.  I was so surprised to see them just sit there and not move.  I would have been yelling names at the top of my lungs or at least feeling around me to have an idea of my surroundings.  Eventually, I went to some of these students and said, "you can walk".  Some still chose to stay, maybe out of fear, or uncertainty 

Second, we had a time in the evening where the lights were lowered and a teacher started to pray in Maleyu.  I was overwhelmed by the students reaction to this prayer that I could not understand.  They whimpered and cried, sobbed and moaned.  All I wanted to do was go and hold them and tell them it would be okay, but I looked at all of the teacher's and they just looked on with somber faces.  So, I stayed put with an overwhelming feeling building inside of me.  What was happening?  What is going on in their lives?  What hurts and burdens do they carry at such a young age to bring such a response as this?

Newsletter

 I will be mailing out my 2nd newsletter by the 1st of January.  If you did not receive the first one and would like to be added in the email list for the next newsletter, please comment on this post and leave your email address! I am excited to share all of my new experiences with you!

A strange and wonderful place- Singapore

Recently, our group went on a journey to Singapore.  Every three months we gather for community and reflection, as well as some good old fashioned rest.  This first trip didn't have so much of the rest, but it was a wonderful time to catch up, learn new things, and explore a new place.

When we first arrived, I was in awe of the impeccably manicured landscape of the city.  The awe was soon replaced with disbelief in a place so well kept.  Later we took the public transportation of the city which also blew me away. Again, so clean and so simple.  People willingly gave up seats and it was eerily quiet.  Needless to say, it felt like I was in the unimaginable Utopia.

We stayed at Trinity Theological College on the outskirts of the city proper and had a delicious dinner of burgers.  (Malaysian burgers are....just not the same...)  We woke up in the morning for some fantastic discussion on the history of Singapore and Malaysia.  We split into pairs and taught our group about different chapters in a book titled, "Crossroads".  This was honestly a wonderful way to wake up and learn.  We had really fantastic discussion about the history of this part of the world.

During our time there, we did the following:

*Here we met with the Bishop of the Lutheran Church of Singapore, to learn some history.
*We had morning devotions based on Islam-Christian relations and understanding
*We wandered China Town and Arab Street/Kampung Glam
*We went to the National Museum of Singapore
*We went to church at Queenstown Lutheran Church
*We saw the Merlion
*On the free day I went with a small group to the SINGAPORE ZOO!
*Our last night we went to the Skypark at Marina Bay Sands.
****I must add, I have never felt so safe in a foreign country****


My highlight was attending church on Sunday morning.  (Though I was a bit surprised by the sign outside the door that said, "Praise God by being on time for Church", just as we were arriving at the exact time it was supposed to be starting..whoops!)

Never the less I was moved to tears by the "familiarity" that I have been missing and longing.  I was moved by their hospitality, their liturgy, their hymns, and their English.  These are all things I took for granted before. I was absolutely delighted when it was time for the passing of the peace (my favorite part) and loved every second of the conversation during fellowship after church.  Jessie offered me a tissue during the service, but I just basked in the overwhelming joy and longing of that place and it's message, it's people, it's love, and it's community.

Everything about Singapore was familiar in a sense that it is very "Western".

My church in Malaysia also has similar elements to it, but it's just different.  For example, fellowship in Malaysia is had in people's homes and includes a small service of songs, prayers, and a message, as well as an abundance of food.  Everyone shakes hands after the service is finished, as they all prepare to leave (so, similar to the passing of the peace).

Never the less, it was a good trip, back to the western world, but in Asia. We had wonderful discussions, learned a lot, and were able to share a lot of our experience with each other.

 

In Honor of a Wonderful Man

The 18th of November marks the 63rd birthday of my wonderful step-father. Away on retreat I missed the opportunity to wish him a happy birthday.

As the YAGM Malaysia group spent Thanksgiving in West Malaysia we were asked to think about what we are thankful for.   I have been so blessed to come from such a supportive family and community.

My step-father plays such a large role in this. The sky is the limits in his eyes and he always told me I could do anything I put my mind to.  Most days I hear his voice in the back of my mind.  For example:

"You think you know hot, but you don't...you will learn"-My time in Malaysia has proved that he was right.  I have never sweated so much in my life.

"Make sure you eat and drink whenever you can, you never know when you will be able to again"-- yesterday I sat on a bus for almost an hour, when the trip usually takes 20 minutes.  I was so thirsty in the Sabah afternoon heat that it was unbearable.  Before getting on the wonderful public transportation, I remember walking past what seemed like a million kedai's (shops) and thinking that I would just wait until I got back to my friends apartment to get a drink.  Lesson learned.

"You don't know spicy"--yup! you were right!

Thanks for always sharing wisdom, even when it seems to be a bit premature. :) Much love and a happy belated birthday to a fantastic father!

Conversations with Friends

Nov. 5, 2012

Last week a student said to me, "Cikgu, kamu putih, saya hitam, kenapa?" <--Teacher, you are white, I am black, why?  I stumbled over my words and gave a scientifically based answer--it has to do with where we are born in regards to the equator.

I thought about this a lot and asked many people what they thought about it.  My friend, Felessia said she wanted to share a story with me about this idea.  She said that she thought about it a long time ago and said it would be okay for me to share with whomever.  

She said:

"I think about why people are black and white and I always imagined it to be like this:  At first I think all people were one color, black.  I imagined that once Jesus had a bucket of water, and he asked all people to come and clean themselves in the water.  The first people immersed themselves and turned white.  More and more people went into the bucket to clean themselves and the water began to lower.  Finally, the water left was so little, that people only put their hands and feet into the water.  These last people remained black, except for their palms and the bottoms of their feet.  That's how I think God made some people white and some people black."  

I asked her what she thought of her story, and she said, "I guess you should just never be last!"

While I laughed with her when she gave her response, I could help but think that I still felt unsettled about the answer and even the question.  I guess we can never really know why God made us the way that he did, but just have faith and trust that there is a plan for us in the exact form that we are in.  God made us this way for a reason.  

Reflections II

October 20,2012

The reflection this week comes from yours truly. For what it is  are worth: The video that inspired it looks to be Malaysian made. The quote I reference is one that I hold near and dear to my heart; I discovered Clarence Jordan's writing through Habitat for Humanity projects (the founder of Habitat spent time at Jordan's Koinonia Farm in Georgia) and appreciate his earthy wisdom.

LIVE BOLDLY.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JUFjTOM32g&feature=related

The opposite of faith is not doubt. Rather, the opposite of faith is fear. As farmer/scholar Clarence Jordan<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clarence_Jordan> puts it,  “Faith and fear, like light and darkness, are incompatible. Fear is the polio of the soul which prevents our walking by faith.” I stumbled upon Jordan, his book<http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1597521442?ie=UTF8&tag=httpwwwgoodco-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1597521442&SubscriptionId=1MGPYB6YW3HWK55XCGG2>, and this quote a decade ago and they have been with me ever since. When I face big life choices and feel a sense of paralyzing indecision setting in, they remind me to put my next foot forward, to live boldly and to let that which I believe in break the bonds of fear.

What fears hold you captive? In what do you have faith that can set you free?

-peter

http://sunshinefaith.com/live-boldly/

--
Rev. Peter Harrits
YAGM Malaysia Coordinator CountryELCA Global Mission

___________________________________________________________________________________

I have so many fears that make it a struggle to move forward.  I have been thinking a lot about our site visit and what you said about how I feel so uncomfortable walking by myself anywhere.  At first I was really offended by your response, "What assumptions are you making about the people around you that you feel uncomfortable--in specific referring to men cat calling."  But- I have been mulling it over, trying to figure out why it makes me uncomfortable and why your response felt so negative to me.  Then I realized that it's just a part of some baggage that I carry with me from my past.  In high school I was followed home twice from work.  There has never been a more terrifying feeling then getting ready for bed and having your dog outside barking defensively, then looking out the window from the bathroom to see a man's face less than a foot from yours, only separated by a glass window.  I am from a small town so people are always looking out for you, but this increased after this incident. For awhile even the police officers would drive by more frequently when they see my car parked at my home.   I guess that here these things are obviously not so, and so any sense of security is missing. 

This fear allows me to stay in the comfort of my home here, knowing that I will be safe.  As much as I would love to go explore, I guess I realize now that I do like the comfort and security of having someone with me. 
But, when I was in Tenom, Rebecca and I talked about this fear bit a lot too.  I told her that I honestly was debating leaving early (and not attending the youth activity that I was invited to join) just so I could make it home on the coach bus and not have to take a taxi by myself.  I've never taken a taxi along and I was weary of giving directions and being understood, as well as sharing a taxi with other individuals.  Turns out- I shared the backseat of the taxi with a high school English teacher.  This moment gave me a sense of relief and hope that I can really do things on my own and be okay.  But I know that this mindset will easily fade as I continue.  I guess this is where I struggle and need help.  I need to learn how to motivate myself and learn to trust God in these situations. 

Blessings,

Ashley

Reflections I

Every Week our Country Coordinator gives us something to reflect on.  Some weeks I follow the reflection, but some weeks my heart and mind focus on something else that I just need to get out and share with someone.  Below are some reflections and my responses to them.  I encourage you to ask take the time to look at the reflections yourself, so that we might share in this journey together.

October 5, 2012
REFLECTION - THE STUFF OF LIFE

Video: EAT<http://vimeo.com/27243869>    [ http://vimeo.com/27243869 ]

Faith is not simply a head game, not simply a bunch of creeds or statements one agrees or disagrees with. Rather, it is also about the nitty-gritty physical stuff of life - the things that we eat, touch, smell, see, and hear. In my tradition, the Lutheran one, we say<http://www.elca.org/Growing-In-Faith/Worship/Learning-Center/FAQs/Sacraments.aspx> that we learn about and receive God and God’s promises through spoken word, yes, but also through the refreshing feel of clean water, the texture of bread, and the flavor of wine on the tongue. Elsewhere one might notice the sound of the call to prayer echoing from mosques or the scent of incense rising from Buddhist and Hindu temples. Around the world, Sense and Spirit are linked.

Have you ever tasted what you might call the ‘divine’? What have your senses taught you about ‘the other’?

--

Rev. Peter Harrits

YAGM Malaysia Coordinator Country

_____________________________________________________________________

My taste buds are having a hay day, but that's all I can say on that front. 

More constant to my thoughts is God's purpose for my time here.  As I sit through worship and weekly fellowships at congregation members houses (the two I have been two have been in two very different Kampungs) I am only grasping a little of what they say.  Naturally I ask myself why I am even there when I cannot understand.  Then I realize my desire to be in community with other people who are also seeking God's presence in their lives.  Usually during the messege I cannot hold my attention and end up reading and re-reading the bible passages over and over again.  Little did I know, this might be part of God's plan.  You see, I have been intimidated by the Bible for as long as I can remember.  Last week George and I talked about this after dinner one evening.  I tried to explain why I find it intimidating but realize it's a conversation I've never actually had.  Now, here in this place, reading the Bible is the least intimidating part of worship, and it's actually part of the only aspect of worship that I can grasp. 

Tonight at fellowship I thought about how God might be working in this situation to bring me closer to him through his word.  I can't think of any other way that I would so willing and eagerly read the messeges that the Bible is filled with.  Now I am finding that I actually enjoying reading and trying to make sence of what the readings mean.  I chuckle at the thought of having a sly God.  But, I just know that this is helping me to better be in pursuit of God at the center of my life and I am ever so grateful. 


So, that's my biggest "a-ha" moment of my last week. 


Blessings,

Ashley

Who, me?

Walking the streets of Keningau I can't help but hope that I don't stick out more than the average person.  But, who am I kidding? I'm obviously a stranger to this place.

Sunday after church I sat in a restaurant with friends eating my fried noodles with my skilled chopstick maneuvers.  I realized later that I hadn't even taken in the surroundings because I knew people were staring at me, and I just couldn't handle acknowledging it.  I remember thinking, "So this is what it's like to be an outsider".

I've never been one to want unnecessary attention, but I have no choice in it here.  Naturally my mind shifts to what to make of the situation, and then I remember a favorite quote of mine that always seems to be remembered at a moments when I feel a little lost and small in this great big world.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. 

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.  

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talent, fabulous? 

Actually, who are you not to be? 

You are a child of God. 

Your playing small does not serve the world. 

There is nothing enlightening in shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. 

We are all meant to shine as children do. 

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. 

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. 

And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give others the permission to do the same. 

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson

Of course I am different, but so is each and every person.  I look forward to conversations, relationships, and reflections that will help me to grow and be more confident in the person that I am and the person that I have been created to be.  I hope that in due time I will not feel like I do not belong, but that I can identify my purpose and go confidently in the direction of that purpose, loving, enjoying, and embracing each person and situation as they are presented.  

September

I can't believe that I have been in Malaysia for going on six weeks now.  Since leaving KK after our two weeks of orientation to the country so much has happened. 

Here are some highlights:

Sept. 10, Monday:

I arrived in Keningau  in the afternoon.  I was dropped off at my new home where I attempted to unpack and learn how to play table tennis from a boy who can, but chooses not to speak English with me.  We went to dinner with a pastor, his son, other teachers, and my Korean host who drove me to Keningau.

Sept. 11, Tuesday:

After two breakfast I was accompanied to my new school.  We have to walk down a path that seems to be made through a wall of tall grasses. Before getting to the school there is a bridge that you must cross.  I tried to mentally prepare myself for this bridge, but alas, nothing could prepare me.  I have a fear of heights and something about swaying bridges where the railing only comes up to your knees and some boards are broken and some boards are moving, just doesn't bring a feeling of peace to me.  I met the teachers once again, which was helpful because the evening before I was in such a daze.

Sept. 13, Thursday:

My housemates, two girls about my ages stayed after dinner and tried to speak with me in English!  It turns out that they know more than they were letting on!..In fact, that seems to be the case with most people I have met.  Most people just don't talk to me until they have to, and then I realize they could have been talking to me all along, but they are just too shy!  

 

Sept. 16, Sunday:

My housemate told me that some teachers wanted to take me to KK with them, so a few hours passed and I was in a car filled with people on my way to KK!  The teachers that I work with are really fun and wonderful.  Their families are kind and inviting.  In KK we went to the Filipino market and to a huge mall called One Borneo, in which we played a fun game of bowling!  It was so refreshing to feel like I had finally made friends!  

On the way home we stopped in my friends kampung (village) and I met even more of their family!  Before I left they informed me that the YAGM before me looked like Jesus (he had a beard and dreadlocks)..then they went on to say that "They sent Jesus back to the USA and sent us Mary".

Sept. 18, Tuesday:

I started teaching today!  Not even my education background could prepare me for this!  After only being here 3 weeks or so, my Bahasa Malayu is mediocre at best.  I'm not sure how much my students understand, and I don't know how to get or keep their attention with the language barrier.  Teaching will by far by my greatest challenge.

Sept. 19, Wednesday:

Today I was told that I will be dancing and that I would be picked up sometime in the evening.  That is all.  I almost never know what is going on!  Turns out I was picked up, and learned three lyrical dances for worship.  They were planning on dancing in Sunday's worship, so I would have practice every evening this week.

Sept. 20, Thursday:

Today after school I was told to go to the market with the other teachers.  Next thing I know I am standing in a fabric store and the next moment getting measured for outfits for Sunday's worship.  Silky purple outfits.  Dance rehearsals are actually really fun, even thought I don't understand the conversation or directions.  Luckily, learning dance moves is very visual.  

I was also able to spend some time with some high school students in the congregation and they were really fun!  Almost ever night they would bring a new snack and make me try it.  Only once did I have to hurriedly ask for some water (who knew mangos with soy sauce and chili's could make someone want to cry?)

Sept. 22, Saturday:

The church was packed full for 3 hours as a Christian Country Music band from Indonesia performed singing in Bahasa Malayu.  Most of my fellow teachers also performed sharing traditional dances of the indigenous people of Malaysia.   

Sept. 23, Sunday:

We arrived early to dress in our outfits and join the Country music group and other church and worship leaders for quick snack.  We began the worship dancing with the opening four songs.  Only one song was amiss, as the musicians played faster than we had practiced.  Never the less, it felt good to be out of the spot light, change out of sweaty clothes, and join the rest of the people in the congregation.  After a three hour service, we headed home.  I wish I would have kept my outfit on long enough to take a group picture, but it seems that a few of us wanted nothing more than to be out of it!

Sept. 28, Friday:

I accepted a ride to KK after school today to go and meet a bunch of YAGM's who were gathering in KK to celebrate the Chinese tradition of moon cake.  It was nice to gather with friends that feel like family in my home away from home.  We caught up, shared joys and struggles, and tried some moon cake and Chinese lanterns (only one person lit their's on fire).

I also have been finding myself facing many fears.

<> I no longer fear the bridge.  I have since walked on it with an abundance of people going in both directions (though it's hardly wide enough for that), with students jumping on it, and last night I even walked on it in the dark with only the light from someones cell phone guiding the way. 

<> I also never ask what it is I am eating, I just eat it.  Though, I am not sure I will ever shake my distaste for onion, but if I did, I feel like this would be the year to do it.  

<>This may sound very irrational, but I have a ridiculous fear of pregnancy, and I now live with a pregnant woman who has insane morning sickness.  I can't imagine what this may mean for me in my future, but I imagine my family back at home with wicked grins on their faces.  There's no way I can avoid my fear of pregnancy here.

I always wondered what it would be like to have a little sister...now I know.

<>My beautiful Malaysia sister likes to stick her fingers in my ears when I don't get her the attention she craves.

<> She likes to set back my clock a few hours, which I don't realize until the seemingly late hours of the night.

<>One of these times she just may succeed in throwing my watch out the window.

<> She has endless energy and wont let me stop spinning her in circles

<>After all of the spinning I like to pretend that I'm dead, and she tries to save me by pulling my hair until I am in an upright position.  From here she props me up with her back until I fall over to the side, and then we repeat.

The month of September has rushed past.  I almost never know what each day will bring.  Most of that has to do with the language barrier, but every day I am learning more and more.  Flexibility is something that I may just master in the next year!  

Predictions

Tomorrow I leave KK, the group of fellow Malaysia YAGMs, my country coordinator, and the stability that has since been acquired since leaving the United States.  I've been working on having no expectations for the upcoming year, but as I have been here and have been adjusting, I started making some predictions.  I don't know if predictions qualify as expectations-- but never the less.

Predictions:

• That my students will teach me more than I can teach them
• That I will somehow learn to like spicy food
• That "service" will take on a whole knew meaning
• I could get fantastic at hand-washing clothes (I'm super slow now)
• Living in community will be a highlight of my year
• I will try things I would never try at home (food and more)
• Malay will become second nature (my language skills are still minimal)
• Grace and Love will take on many forms and faces
• I will learn and grow in what it means to be me

Thus far I have felt so incredibly blessed to be in this place.  I have a peace and calm in heart that makes it feel like this is exactly where I am supposed to be.

Thank you so much for joining me on this journey.  I couldn't be more happy to share it with such loving family and friends!

Tropical Weather

Saturday, August 25, 201

Yesterday we learned a little of the Malay language, and this morning I attempted to practice it at the morning meal (We had a breakfast of bread and hard boiled eggs-- It was tasty!)

This morning we will be learning more of the language and will be practicing it with each other.  We have also been invited to go for a jog this afternoon.

During our free time yesterday we went on a walk into downtown KK.


(Unfortunatly I am struggling to get pictures loaded on this blog--but Facebook has a good post-walk picture)

It was a lovely walk, but now I understand why they shower multiple times a day here.  So--we will see how this jog today goes!



Evening Reflection:

This morning we had more language training, we are learning to count to ten, say family titles and refresh ourselves on common phrases and greetings--it's a lot and a bit overwhelming, but its a phonetic language, so it's easier than I anticipated.

The jog today went okay.  Such high humidity makes it hard to breath.  I apparently ran 2 kilometers--I don't even know how far that is?

Dinner was rice, greens and then some meat.  Some days I eat rice, some days noodles, thankfully  I have found some soy sauce.

Peter, our country coordinator is just wonderful.  He leads us in thoughtful and engaging conversations and is very easy going.

Our group finally started bonding today over a nice game of phase 10, a personal favorite of mine.  It was fun to see personalities emerge and not to have an agenda for our time together.  Jet lag is wearing off, but, at 7:36 pm I am still ready to go to bed (it's already dark here at 7:00)

Sabah

Hello from Sabah!

We arrived safely in Kota Kinabalu on Thursday night.  We have since then been staying at Sabah Theological Seminary.  The Internet there is rather spotty, but I have been journaling every day and am excited to share with you this beautiful place I will be calling home.


Until then, I wanted you to know that I am safe and sound and trying to get over the 4 am wake ups that go with jet lag :)

Welcome to the Unknown

YAGM Malaysia Crew in April

Greeting from Seoul, South Korea's International Airport!  After a little over 13 long hours, the Young Adults in Global Mission Malaysia crew of 8, sit/lay scattered in an area as we wait for another flight to Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia.  We began today's journey at 7:30 am, from the Chicago O'Hare Airport.  Right now it is 3:28 am Chicago time, and 5:23 pm South Korea time.  I don't know what that means beyond that we have been in traveling mode and will not arrive to our destination until around Midnight, Malaysia time (I would guess that Malaysia time is the same as South Korea time?)

Movies kept me occupied for most of the flight, and the remainder of the time was spent trying to figure out how to sleep in a middle seat.  I don't think it's ever a not awkward place to be for sleeping.

Asiana airlines kept us well hydrated and fed, I was even offered octopus for our last meal on the plane, I decided to pass, and instead had chicken

Can I tell you how confused I was to be eating chicken at what my body thought to be 2:00 am Chicago time?

As we started to descend,  Tessa, a fellow Cobber and YAGM Malaysia Crew member, looked out the window and we were blown away by the mountains, and what appeared to be islands from where we were.  We realized that we both didn't really know what to expect when we looked out the window, and then Tessa said something that seemed profound to me, at least in this state of present being-- "I guess we are just going to get used to not knowing what to expect".

So-- Here's to having no clue about what lays ahead.

Reflections

• A special note for this post--my "caps" isn't working correctly. so i apologize.

Thursday

Most people arrived at the airport with red eyes, weary after saying their goodbyes.

I haven't cried yet.

I'm not sure that this reality has really sunk in.

Part of me feels like i will see my family and friends in a few weeks at max.

My fellow Malaysia friend Tessa said that the worst is behind us.  saying goodbye is hard.

but being left behind could be even worse.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Friday

Today we talked about accompaniment. it's the model that the ELCA has adopted for mission related work.  thinking of myself as a missionary is odd, and actually i am a bit relieved that, due to the negative connotations that missionaries have from the past related to "converting" people, it is not a phrase that i will actually use to identify myself.

so-- lots of people asked what it was that i would actually be doing in Malaysia, after all-- "don't you read the news?"

Here i am to clear up some thoughts, and inform you of some new information to me!

1. This is not a trip.-- I'm not here to sit on a beach and have fun
2. This isn't even about me-- it's about how God is working through people and the church

Accompaniment means to walk alongside others. it's about mutuality and interdependence.  it's not about coming in and fixing, teaching, or changing, but more about observing and finding a need that you could fill.  This need comes in many shapes and no level of difficulty is below that of a servant.  in the Western culture we are "doers", we need to have a task and feel accomplishment.  The model of accompaniment challenges us to focus on "being" rather than "doing".  After all-- we were made for relationship, and if we are too busy trying to change someone or something into what we view as "right", we won't get the chance to "be" and appreciate who they are and the story they have to offer the world.

--so now for the NEW information--

1. Mail takes about a month to get to me
2. you take your shoes off before you enter a house
3. people swim with clothes on
4. all parts of the chicken are consumed--ALL of it
5. i am slightly worked up about eating the above mentioned items plus spicy food..more then slightly
6. people shower from 2-4 times a day due to heat and humidity
7.becoming scuba certified is supposed to be super cheap in Malaysia
8. there's a kfc in my town in case number 5 becomes too much to handle
9. i'm told we use "squatters" for toilets
10. you flush your toilet by dumping water down it..sometimes multiple pitchers of water
11. the toilets don't have toilet paper--bring your own!
12. God is great and wonderful and  i know that i will find myself challenged in ways i never thought possible.  but God goes before us to pave the way and prepare us for the journey ahead.

Orientation- Day One

Woke up at 4:30 am this morning to shower.

5:30 am- Packed two suitcases, a backpack, two sisters', one mom, and a niece into the vehicle.

6:00 am- Headed for Minneapolis.


--insert morning rush hour, My third time driving in the cities, and rain (lots of the fierce kind)--


9:00 am(ish)- MSP airport shenanigans

12:30 pm- arrived in Chicago

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The rest is a blur
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is this really happening?

Friends

Last night I was blessed with the presence of my beautiful roommates and other college friends.  We celebrated a birthday, our accomplishments, and our futures.  Most of us met for one last chance to see each other's faces before we moved to other countries or another state.  The night was about perfect, except for my one missing roommate, with whom I have had the wonderful opportunity to live and grow with for the last four years.  Somehow I was able to keep from getting too emotional, but I couldn't help but think how much one year of knowing someone can completely change your life. 

Since my last post, I have spent quality time with wonderful friends.  One of them even brought me brownies, just to make sure I was able to cross them off my list of foods to eat before I go!  I have found that good friends are contagious.  The more time you spend with them, the more you want to be a good friend in return and the more time you want to spend with them.  Some friends you just can't get enough of!

I have been so privileged to meet such wonderful people, and we can only hope that when our paths part, that we have made someone life better.

Filled with JOY!

Since graduating from Concordia and working full time in Moorhead until Mid-July, I have moved home and spent my days unpacking and packing up my life, as well as enjoying time with family and friends. Four evenings were also filled with my church's Vacation Bible School, in which I helped my pastor and three young gentlemen lead games. We had a blast as we occasionally joined teams for dodgeball and other fun games-- I am always amazed by the energy and joy that kids have at anytime of day, as well as how many volunteers of all ages come together and join in the childlike wonder of VBS.
I made a list of people that I wanted to see and foods I wanted to eat before I left the states for a year. They were as follows:

People:
Grandmas
Grandpa
Niece- lots of cuddle time!
Sisters and their wonderful husbands
Brother!
Roommates
Best friends
Old friends
Wonderful and amazing support system

Foods:
Mom's cooking
Pizza
Burgers
Sweet Corn
Brownies

I have accomplished most of my lists and have been so blessed with the time that I have been given surrounded by the love and support of many wonderful people. I have also been blessed with phone conversations, ice cream outtings, movie nights, and evenings with friends watching the Olympics.    One week from tomorrow i head to Chicago--then the 22nd we depart to Malaysia!  I am so excited to see what the upcoming weeks bring as I adjust to life in Malaysia.  This journey thus far has been such a great reminder of the great cloud of witnesses that surrounds us all.  We are never alone.

Patience

I know that there are things that will not always go our way. Life is not meant to be centered on us. In New Orleans every day of the National Youth Gathering has included rain and harsh weather resulting in thousands of high school students and their fearless leaders stuck inside the super dome and convention center. I apparently forgot about how much energy high schoolers had, but was quickly reminded when we began our night life activities. Blow-up games, karaoke, two dances, gathering idol, and a lounge wasn't enough for the almost four thousand participants we had in our hotel alone, but also for the incredible amount of students who came in every night from other hotels. I was blown away as I stood by the door directing people that 1. They just kept coming and 2. that I had managed not to loose my voice as I, in very broken record fashion, continued to tell groups their options as they entered the door.

I had that wonderful opportunity to meet with the youth group from my home congregation for a breakfast of beignets and a frozen cafe au lait from the amazing Cafe Du Monde. We met and walked along the river to our destination, lucky for me they are in the hotel I have been doing hospitality for during this gathering! Unfortunatly, as we walked a trained rolled on by right next to us and so gracefully came to a stop right in front of the sidewalk we needed to cross. I was told that I was to blame for the misfortune, but like all of us, high schoolers love to joke. We turned around after what I am sure felt like forever and found a new route to our delicious breakfast of mostly powdered sugar.

During our walk I was reunited with some people I used to babysit and every some of my high school classmates younger siblings. I, like many, am guilty for remembering and imagining youth as their 12 year old selves. Where did the time go? Some of the girls talked about my up and coming mission to Malaysia and I was comforted by a girl named Carly who told me that a year sounds like a long time, but that it isn't really that long.

Life is beautiful and love is sweet. The people who surround you and the people you meet comfort and guide you at just the right time. Don't be afraid to take advice from those who are younger than you. Many actually see things more clearly as they have been less wounded by the hurts of this world. Continue to pray not only for your concerns, but for yourself. Pray for healing and guidance, patience and hope, anything and everything because that's what God wants to hear most.

A favorite verse of mine and one that is lifted up to the kids at Luther Crest Bible Camp where I worked for two summers from 1 Timothy 4:12 "Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity."

This morning I joined my family in church as I shared with my congregation an idea of what my year of service might look like. My mother was in Waconia with my grandmother, who is doing better, but has been staying at the hospital until they feel she is ready to go home. It has been such a blessing to hear that she has been sitting up and smiling and laughing with my aunts and uncles. Sometimes things in life can scare us, but sometimes I think they also awaken out hearts and help us to realize how much we love and appreciate those around us.

I have to admit that I practiced what I would say as I drove to church by myself this morning. Naturally, almost nothing that I practiced was actually said. Afterward we had a coffee hour that aided in my fund-raising efforts. When I arrived home I was called over to a neighbors when I was asked, "are you the one we heard about in church?" I had also sent a letter to the Lutheran church in my home town, and was so excited to hear that the conversation does not just end in my congregation, but extends to my town and really everyone that I know.

 Today I found myself confronted with a lot of questions that I didn't know the answers to. At first I felt a little embarrassed, but then I realized that I prefer not knowing all the answers. Having preconceived ideas of how things are "supposed to be" can sometimes hinder the beauty of discovery. With that, I intend on keeping my heart and mind open to the possibilities of what is to come. I was so blessed to enjoy the company and conversation of people who have helped to build my faith and support me as I grew up.

Today also allowed for some time of reflection on my journey thus far. I know that my church has laid such a solid foundation to my faith and who I am today, but that's not something that we often consider. I thought back to all the things of the church that I loved being a part of, church choir with my wonderful music teacher from high school, youth board, the Lutheran Youth Organization, Sunday School, and mission trips. I loved being a part of these things and they left me curious and passionate to pursue more. My senior year I went on a mission trip to Bolivia, South America, to help build a radio and television station. That was my first time out of the United States. Now, living in rural Minnesota, diversity is not a big part of our lives, so it was an eye opening experience for me. Three years later, as I ended my junior year of college, I went on a May Seminar through Concordia College to take a class called "World Christianity". We traveled to Amsterdam, London, and South Africa. Spending most of out time in South Africa, I was overwhelmed by the differences in financial wealth. I had never seen such wealth next to such extreme poverty. We walked through informal settlements and most memorable to we was the school that we stopped at. It was located in the settlement and was filled with beautiful smiling children who sang for us and loved the gift of bubbles we brought with. But, this school only allowed children whose parents' paid to send them there to attend, as we left, they picked out the children who snuck in with us, back out of their gated school. It hurt my heart to know that these children could only watch from afar, but not participate. This lit a fire in my heart to learn more about the world, to see more, and to serve more.

Now, here I am preparing to take a leap of faith to go to a new place to love on and learn alongside children. Yes, I will be teaching, but I expect it to be so much more than that.

I GOT MY PLACEMENT!

I found out yesturday morning but have taken the time to process what this placement really means.  The moment that I received my email for my placement I found myself smiling ear to ear with my heart racing! The idea of living somewhere so new and so far away still seems far off in the distance, but is now more real, as a concrete plan seems to be taking shape. :)

I have a round about idea of what I will be doing in the city of Keningau, which is a rural community in Sabah.  I will be working at the Good Samaritan Center providing general education to the children of migrant workers.  These children are often referred to as "stateless" children and are not recognized by the government and can therefore not receive formal schooling. 

I will be living in a large house in the city's center (a 20-30 min. walk from the Good Samaritan Center) with other teachers and their families.

This weekend I will be at my home congregation: Cross of Calvary Lutheran Church in Olivia, MN to share a little about what is in store for my year in YAGM as well as join in conversations with people who are curious about what this year of ministry will look like. 

You can look forward to news about getting my wisdom teeth out, next Thursday morning, bright and early!  I am a bit nervous, but know that I have good roommates who will help look after me for a speedy recovery.

God is so good!

Let's just say that my planning for a year away still seems surreal.  Yesturday a fellow YAGM started a countdown.  Sent chills through my spin!  On that note, I'm still in the basic stages of planning! Today I awoke bright and early to make a trip to the dentist!  After ridding my mouth of some cavities, I look forward to the 28th, the day I will be getting my wisdom teeth out.

Today was my first day off in awhile.  I hoped for a sun filled day at the beach with my roommate, but it appears that God had other plans. I woke up and headed to Detroit Lakes at 11 AM to find it cloudy and windy.  After a nice jog along the lake and lunch at Zorbaz we headed back to Moorhead.
My afternoon was short an uneventful, I had hoped to mail out letters to family and friends to tell them about my future journey, but have no access to a printer. I need to learn how to do better planning. Today I also made my first ever doctor's appointment.

Our day was cut short with news of family medical emergencies.  My roommate Ellen had the best/ worst luck that I can think of.  Her dad went into emergency surgery to have a foot amputated this morning due to an infection. Ellen's parents were supposed to be going on a cruise on the Baltic Sea starting on Friday, but with this surgery, he would be unable to go.  This is where the good news comes in- Ellen leaves in the morning to go on the cruise with her mom!  She will be visiting a lot of countries, all of which she has never been to before.  What a blessing. 

Later today I received news that my grandmother had complications with a surgery from last evening.  I keep my phone on loud waiting for updates from my sister. 

Now, as some of you may know, I have been working at a funeral home in Moorhead since January, and have absolutely loved everything about it. I work in the office and I read all about the lives that individuals have lived. What remarkable stories are told through the life of a person! 

It's the strangest thing.  I had known that in my absence there would be births, weddings, graduations, and even deaths that I would be unable to attend, but I never thought of anything remotely life shattering occurring in the present., in fact I don't know if my schedule can fit in anything else!  With Ellen's dad and my grandma spending time in a hospital room, that idea became a lot more real.

Today the idea of losing a loved allowed for reflection.  Some of the thoughts that ran through my mind first and foremost are memories.  Wonderful memories of spending time with my grandma.  She made the best cookies! In fact we used to call her the cookie grandma.  I used to go to her house and sit with her for hours.  We would sit and talk and watch crime investigation shows. My grandma was addicted to QVC (shopping channels--yikes!).  Now I believe that we all love our grandparents for a million different reasons, but mostly for the love that they give us.  I couldn't imagine a life without them.  But-- situations like this also cause me to wonder.

Why do we have to say goodbye?  Why do people we love leave us?

There are a million different ways to answer this, but I feel that they are questions that many people have.  There are no right of wrong answers I suppose, and those thought processes may take root in another post.  (But I would love to hear your take on it!)

I too am putting myself in the situation of saying goodbye to people that I love as I leave from this place to go to a new part of the world where God is calling me to lead a life of service.  I know that I have to say goodbye because I am following the path that God has laid out for the, the plan and purpose that I have been created for.  I have spent time with friends that I love very dearly and will have to learn how to navigate without them.  Sometimes I worry that I won't be able to make myself laugh or  smile, though I know friends are for more than that.  I know that I will be able to dig a lot deeper in who I am and with how to love myself.  What an adventure!  I am so excited to share with my family and friends all that I learn as I continue on this journey.  What a blessing to have this opportunity! 

Feel free to keep in touch and share in this journey with me

This is my first attempt at a blog and so it may be a little rough around the edges. I graduated from Concordia College a little over a month now with a degree in Elementary Education. I am currently working  full time at a funeral home in the office and part time at Old Lutheran Inc. as I await what comes next. 

In August I will participating in a program called Young Adults in Global Missions through the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.  I am beyond excited to commit to a year of service in Malaysia.  There is no doubt in my mind that I will be forever changed from this experience.  This opportunity has been such a blessing as I have always felt a passion for ministry.

As I go on this adventure, I ask for your prayers.  There will be times when I will struggle, as we all do, but I ask for you to keep me in your hearts.  I would also like to rejoice with you as I go through this journey, as I continue to count my blessings, no matter where I am.

Look for updates on what's happening and I would love to hear what's weighing on your hearts as well!